Stop Comparing & Start Connecting

My life looks very different on my Instagram then it does in real life. Everyone’s life looks perfect on the Internet. The Internet is half the truth. We get to take tons of selfies and choose which one is the best. Prior to posting it we get to edit it, change all the different filters, and ta-dah! The new and improved you and me.

Some days I am so enriched, edify and uplifted by what I see on the Internet. Other days I find a fun recipe, a cute outfit or a funny joke. I love all of that. But I also fall unto the envy of the Internet. I feel captive by other people’s half-truths and filter photos. And their amazing lives make mine feel worthless.

So how can we avoid becoming victim to the envy and self-destruction of the Internet? 

1. Unfollow people you envy! Choose to follow people that inspire you and not people that create disappointment and guilt in yourself.

A recent CNN article explored how we are now exposed to more and more images of unattainable beauty, thanks to social networking: “Before social networks, we mostly had images of impossibly perfect celebrities. We would pass these images on billboards, watch them on TV, flip through them in magazines, but we weren't sitting around staring at them for hours every day.” 

We are not just exposed to them we interact with them for hours on end.

Go one to social media right now and unfriend, unfollow, “Un” whatever them so you do not have to have it in your life! RIGHT NOW!

2. Don’t compare your weakness to other strengths.

Real life happens when we enter actual homes with actual messes. When we see a cute child not really acting so cute. When we are able to tell a vulnerable story and be heard. When we have bad and good days. It is reality!

Remember the interior designer you follow is AN INTERIOR DESIGNER! That it is his or her talent, it is what he or she does. You have a different talent. Invest time in your talents, rather then wasting your time wishing you had what everyone else has.

3. No social media when bored!

Seeing half-truth version of other peoples’ lives isn’t the only jeopardy of the Internet. We rarely check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or what social media site when we’re having our own amazing adventures.

We check it when we’re bored and when we’re lonely, and it increases that boredom and loneliness.

Once again find your talents.

Set a timer or alarm so you aren’t one social media for hours!

4.    Remember the best is posted. Our life is a film not a snapshot.

Over 200 photos were taken by a professional photographer of me for they blog.I selected my favorites the best of the best for the home page, right? Of course! Plus a professional did my makeup prior to the photo shoot and I bought brand new clothes just for that occasion.

This is the picture you guys see on the home page:

This was also taken that same day:

Remember professional done, still edited. 100's of photo to look through before posting any! Everyone does that! We all post the best!

Let’s stop comparing. Let’s start connecting.

I am not saying walk away from the Internet. I use social media everyday for my blog. What I mean is surrounded yourself with a worthwhile social media.

So for the next month, from today until June 24th I will be posting unfiltered, no half truth, real me photos. 

Follow me at @happyisforme with the hashtags #realme #happyisforme. Join in with me! Show the real you, don't let fear stand in the way! Start connecting!

Much love,

Rachel M.  

Empathy = Antidote for Shame

 What is shame?

Shame is an epidemic. It is consuming us.

Shame is a focus on self; Guilt is a focus on before.

Shame- I am bad.

Guilt- I did something bad.

Shame is correlated with addiction, drugs, violence, eating disorder, depression, suicide, and bullying. Guilt is oddly correlated with the same things.

"Shame says 2 things. 

1. You’re never good enough! And if you can talk yourself out of that one in then asks 2. Who do you think you are?" 

-Berne Brown 

Shame grows in secrecy, silence and judgment.

So how do we overcome shame?

1.   Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone else. Literally write it out, say it out loud to yourself. Practice positive affirmations. You would never tell someone that "they were stupid". Yet... don't we say that to ourselves almost every day! 

2.   Figure out what triggers shame. We are all triggered with different things. 

3.   Reach out, to anyone who uplifts you!

4.   Tell your story. 

Numbers 3 & 4 have been so critical in my life. The reason that is, is because empathy is an antidote for shame.  The most powerful words during a struggle/ shameful experience are “me too”.

I remember figuring out for the first time that I was not alone. That other's struggle with the same things I did. Others had self destructing habits, others hated themselves, other were abused, or hurt in some way. It actually was the most beautiful moment. It was what kept me going back to the 12 Step addiction Recovery Meetings. 

Or that beautiful day when I told my sponsor something I had never told anyone and with tears in her eyes she looked up and said, "Me too." 

Whoever you are, know you are not alone. That is a lie from Satan!!  

That's what this blog is all about: riding shame, sharing hope and empathy. I am here to be vulnerable, to share my story and to reach out to others.

And let me tell you it is hard, but I will not let Satan destroy my life with lies anymore. Lies that as I share such a vulnerable part of my life, that other's will look down at me, avoid me, judge me, etc etc..... It goes on and on and on. But I won't let Him anymore. 

Moroni 8:16: I fear not what man can do: for perfect love caseth out all fear. 

God didn’t intend for me to struggle alone, or any of us. We are surrounded with people that can help us (both here on earth and in Heaven)!

I want to thank all of you who have supported me up until this point, welcome all of you who are new to my blog. Thank you for being here. I am excited to expand and hopefully get to know all of you better. 

"Your soul purpose is to get over 

the illusion of separateness". 

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Much love,

Rachel

Meet Yourself

Dear Lord,

When I was sick and unable to eat or even move; I prayed that you would lead me to the right doctor. Lord, you did. I have medicine now so I can eat. But now I don't want to eat. I was so thin that I was unable to do almost anything. Now, dear Father, I have gained 25lbs back in 3 months. 

I hate talking about it, especially writing about it. 

It shouldn't matter, yet as I think that I am reminded that what matters to me, matters to you.

Lord, I compare myself to others more than I realize.  Father, help me to meet me. 

Help me to see the real me.

Grant me Serenity from moment to moment.

Help me to rely on thee every moment.

Lord, Thank you.

I can have limbs that can move.

I have more energy. 

Help me to recognize the good, 

and release the perfection. 

Help me. I need thee. 

In The Name Of Jesus Christ,

Amen. 

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago. 

Today I am grateful to tell you that He did answer that prayer, as well as many others. 

I know that I am not alone. T hat we all have struggles. Maybe your's isn't weight or body image, but maybe loving the real you and not who ever else wants to be is a struggle. 

Maybe you suffer from a chronic illness, a loss of a love one, or depression. Maybe you suffer from a "bad habit" or an "addiction". What ever it is, I PROMISE you are not alone. 

He answered my prayer by showing me that I am not alone.  I hope that through me, you can find that tiny ray of hope. 

That you can know it is normal to struggle. 

That we are made imperfect.  That you have so many around you that are willing to help. 

Ask God and He will help you meet yourself. 

Meet yourself, through God's eyes. 

And let me tell you it is miraculous.

We are all truly beautiful!

Much love for all of you (whoever you are),

Rachel