Saturday, June 28, 2014

Good Advice to Slow Down a Little

Two weeks ago I woke up I couldn’t feel my feet. As I have gone and seen doctors they have figured out I have some disc problems and mild arthritis in my back. Because of this I move as slow as a snail. Not even an exaggeration. I walk S L O W!

At first I was frustrated, as you can probably imagine. It was hard to do much on my own. Getting ready or doing any regular task would take twenty times longer.

However, the other day as I was walking out to my car, slowly walking, I noticed the beautiful sunset. Instead of just noticing it and hurry along (walking faster like usual) I got to watch it for a good ten minutes as I slowly shuffled along to my car. It was stunning. I was able to feel the spirit and realize how close God was and what a beautiful world we live in. All by walking slow, slowing down. 

My eyes were open as I have realized how much I have never noticed the beauty of my own backyard, the beautiful trees I walk by going into work five days a week, the beauty of interacting with others face to face etc., etc.

Elder Uchtdorf recently said in conference:
“What do you suppose pilots do when they encounter turbulence? A student pilot may think that increasing speed is a good strategy because it will get them through the turbulence faster. But that may be the wrong thing to do. Professional pilots understand that there is an optimum turbulence penetration speed that will minimize the negative effects of turbulence. And most of the time that would mean to reduce your speed. The same principle applies also to speed bumps on a road.
Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions.” (“Of Things That Matter Most”, Conf. Oct. 2010)

So how can we all slow our life down, without being forced to by an injury (like I was)?

1.Take time to enjoy the little things
Wherever you are right now, stop reading for at least a minute and enjoy your surroundings. Enjoy the house you live in (whether clean or dirty!). Enjoy your children, your spouse, or even the stranger that is walking by. Set an alarm on your phone for a random time in the day, when it goes off simply enjoy life and what you have for JUST a minute. Gandhi stated,” There is more to life than increasing speed.” By slowing down you can focus and appreciate things to the fullest. 
2. Minimize your to do list
But Rachel, I cannot slow down. I have this and this and this and this...etc, etc. I know each of us have hundreds of things we could put on our to do list every day, don’t! Elder Uchtdorf stated:
“Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of task tat will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think their self-worth depends on their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with list of meeting and minutia- even during times of stress and fatigue! Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy and too little sense of meaning in their lives.” 
(“Of Things That Matter Most”, Conf. Oct. 2010)
3. Stop wearing a badge of busyness like it is an honor
Being busy is not an accomplishment, never has been and never will be. This is one of my favorite quotes ever: 
“I have tried to imagine Him {Christ} bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished. I can’t see it. Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.” –Elder Uchtdorf
4. Be comfortable with yourself
“It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better… Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential.”- Elder Uchtdorf (“Of Things That Matter Most”, Conf. Oct. 2010)
I am so grateful for this talk given by Elder Uchtdorf. I hope that we can all slow down, simplify our lives even just a little. 
I am grateful for this injury. It has MADE me slow down. I hope that I can always remember to slow down. I pray that we all can make necessary changes to enjoy the loved ones in our lives, the beautiful nature we are surrounded by, and especially to notice God’s hand and spirit in our live's more.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen
Much love,

Rachel

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Lord, I am desperate

I am sick and I need to accept that.
My body doesn’t do all that I want it to do or even all it needs to do, and I must accept that.

Accepting that does not mean I love it, it does not mean I want it to be this way and it certainly doesn’t mean that I will be in denial about it my health. It means that I will allow God, fully allow Him, to do what He needs to do.

Elder Holland said, “The road to salvation always goes through Gethsemane. And it will always require a journey to the summit of Calvary.

If we say we are disciples of Christ we walk where He walked, we feel what He felt, we pray the way He prayed, we cried the tears He shed, at least in a small proportion.

My convictions and my feelings of the Savior of the world have been born in the most desperate hours of my life. When I wondered if the sun would ever come up again. It seemed to come up for other people. It seemed to come up everyone morning for everyone else I could see, but not for me.
It isn’t always like that, and it’s not supposed to be like that. But some parts of the discipleship require that walk, basically His walk.”



What can we do when we feel overwhelmed by trials, tribulations and all of lives demands?

1. Admit that you need help. Stop trying to do it all yourself. A lot of our prayers are answered through others on this earth. So drop your pride/stubbornness and let others help!

2. Listen to uplifting positive music, people and talks (especially from conference).

3. Recognize the faith you have. Even if it is as small as a mustard seed it is all you need. 

4. Understand that you are not being punished. Don't be angry at God and know it is part of this mortal life. 

5. Slow down. As Elder Holland put it," Fatigue is the common enemy of us all- so slow down, rest up and replenish."

6. Be desperate for the Lord. Let him in. Pray with all might, mind and strength.  Never cease to pray. You can talk to him throughout the whole day.

Dear Lord, Help us to rely on You moment to moment, even second to second, hour to hour, day by day as we are trying to do thy will. 
In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen
  
Much love,
Rachel



 "He'll Carry You"

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Recovery is A Dance that Celebrates Progress

I once attended a group therapy. One week we read a handout. It made me overwhelmed. It made me confused.

The handout was made my Robert Burney. Go look him up great guy, Recovery addict from alcohol and a therapist.

I found that handout the other day and had to share it. I know it is LONG, but bear with me, read all if you can. It is worth it! Here is it:

“It is very important to stop judging and shaming ourselves for where we have been, and where we are, in order to start seeing our path with more clarity.

You cannot start to access intuitive truth until you clear out your inner channel. I am not saying that you have to complete healing process before you can start getting messages. You can start getting messages as soon as you are willing to start listening. The more you heal the clearer the messages become.
When I talk about ways that we use to go unconscious- like workaholics, or exercise, or food, or denial, or caretaking or whatever- I am not saying that you should be ashamed if you are doing some of theses things.
We cannot go from unconscious to conscious overnight!! This healing is a long gradual process. We all still need to go unconscious sometimes. Recovery is a dance that celebrates progress, not one that achieves perfection.
A significant breakthrough in my personal process came when I was able to recognize, and give myself credit for the progress that I had made- when I realized that a pint of Haagen-Dazs was lasting me three days instead of being gone within twenty minutes of when I bought it.
That was a very big breakthrough for me, to be able to give myself credit for the progress instead of judging and shaming myself for not being perfect, for still feeling like I needed the nurturing of ice cream.
We had to learn to go unconscious in order to survive! Thank goodness for alcohol or television or ice cream. Thank goodness for ______!!!!
We need to stop judging ourselves- that means allowing ourselves to do whatever it takes. Whatever works! There are times when we need to go unconscious. There are times when we need to stuff our feelings in the moment. There are times when it is not safe to be vulnerable and emotionally honest.
This recovery process is gradual transition from using our old toolbox to using the new tools. The old tools- the way we used to go unconscious so we could survive- are not “bad” or “wrong”. They were lifesavers.
We adopted the old tools because they were the best choices that were available to us at the time. We adopted them in response to intuitive impulses that were right on. Those impulses were to “protect myself, nurture myself”. It is nature of the defense system that is addiction/codependence that the ways we learned to protect and nurture ourselves are self-abusive in the long run.
So we need to stop shaming ourselves for the behaviors that we adopted to protect and nurture ourselves, at the same time we are transitioning to behaviors that are less self-abusive.
Notice that I say less self-abusive. We are talking progress, not perfection here.

If you have an image of that completely health behavior is, and you will not allow yourself to accept and love yourself until you get there, then you are setting conditions under which you decide when you will become lovable. You are still buying into a concept of conditional love and by extension, the concept of a Higher Power that is conditionally loving.
You are still trying to earn, and become worthy of not only self-love, but also God’s love. That small child inside of you is still trying to earn your parents’ love and validation.
That is natural, normal thing for human beings on this planet. Try not to judge and beat yourself up for it. Try to observe it and say, “Oh, isn’t it sad that I am still doing that? I think I will try to learn some ways that I can change it.””
-  Robert Burney

As I typed up the handout word for word I have had a totally different perspective than I did when I read it in group therapy.

Now I think, Wow! God loves me. What I did was normal for a 6 year old to do, considering what she had been through. Poor little girl didn’t know what else to do. She must have been so scared, so overwhelmed. I am thankful she had something to help her cope in the moment.

I am even more grateful she realized she is safe now. She can let go of those destructive coping mechanism and replace it with compassion, love and especially the Lord love and compassion.

Lord, thank you for helping me change and continue to change. It was hard! I am so thankful for you in my life. Continue to guide me. Continue to help me be patient, compassionate, and loving with myself, and my recovery.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Much love, compassion and prayers coming your way.

-Rachel


Saturday, June 7, 2014

Addiction is Something I See Beautifully Now

I had an interview a few weeks ago. It was at an Drug Rehab Center. Something I thought I would be interested in. As the interview began I actually shared some of my story! 

As I told them how passionate I was about addiction. One of the interviewers looked shocked and asked me, “Rachel, Do you know that addiction is not a wonderful thing. That each week we have patients come in who do not want to be here, ones that fail, ones that give up. He paused and then went on and say I don’t think you really know what addiction is (or something along those lines).

In that moment I realized where I had come from, again. How my “soul was wracked” as Alma had said. I felt shame. I felt angry, oh so angry with the Lord. I hated what had happen to me, I felt like it was so unfair. I felt shame and guilt, so much bitterness. So lost.

But today, how different it is, today I am so incredibly thankful. I am so blessed because change is possible through the Lord. Addiction is something I see beautifully now.

As I sat there in the interview I preached (just a little bit). I told them that I know what it is like to be an addict and now as a facilitator I get to watch others give up, relapse and stay in their addiction, but I have also seen the miracle of the atonement. And those are the memories that are imprinted in my brain forever!

 I have seen miracle after miracle occur. I have seen people who have been re-born. People who have given their all and fallen many times, but have still gotten back up. That is what I know about recovery.

I promise that if you or a loved one are feeling the horrible effects of addiction, it is real. It is hard. God loves us enough to give us many resources. One of which is the LDS Addiction Recovery Program.

I am making addiction sound beautiful, but what is beautiful is the Atonement! Whoever you are you can change. The Lord can redeem you, and wants to so badly. He doesn't expect you to be perfect and you don't have to be. Go to Him how are you today! He accepts all!

I know my reading my blog, especially this entry you may think that I haven’t been as low, or as deep as you are. Maybe true, but the biggest truth is that He lives. Jesus died for you. You can apply that Atonement in this moment, here and now. Please know that you are not alone. That recovery is possible and that being in God’s rest is so beautiful. So exquisite, tears are seriously flowing down my face. I wish I had words to express His love. I wish I could jump out of this screen and tell you face to face. 

I love him so much. I am so grateful for his help every moment, with every negative feeling, happy moment and in between. I testify of that. I am so grateful for his peace! He is there, he is real!

In the name of Jesus Christ, My Rescuer, Amen

Much love,


Rachel

Wanted to share this amazing song with you. 
"Untiled Hymn" By Chis Rice.