Recovery is A Dance that Celebrates Progress

I once attended a group therapy. One week we read a handout. It made me overwhelmed. It made me confused.

The handout was made my Robert Burney. Go look him up great guy, Recovery addict from alcohol and a therapist.

I found that handout the other day and had to share it. I know it is LONG, but bear with me, read all if you can. It is worth it! Here is it:

“It is very important to stop judging and shaming ourselves for where we have been, and where we are, in order to start seeing our path with more clarity.

You cannot start to access intuitive truth until you clear out your inner channel. I am not saying that you have to complete healing process before you can start getting messages. You can start getting messages as soon as you are willing to start listening. The more you heal the clearer the messages become.

When I talk about ways that we use to go unconscious- like workaholics, or exercise, or food, or denial, or caretaking or whatever- I am not saying that you should be ashamed if you are doing some of theses things.

We cannot go from unconscious to conscious overnight!! This healing is a long gradual process. We all still need to go unconscious sometimes. Recovery is a dance that celebrates progress, not one that achieves perfection.

A significant breakthrough in my personal process came when I was able to recognize, and give myself credit for the progress that I had made- when I realized that a pint of Haagen-Dazs was lasting me three days instead of being gone within twenty minutes of when I bought it.

That was a very big breakthrough for me, to be able to give myself credit for the progress instead of judging and shaming myself for not being perfect, for still feeling like I needed the nurturing of ice cream.

We had to learn to go unconscious in order to survive! Thank goodness for alcohol or television or ice cream. Thank goodness for ______!!!!

We need to stop judging ourselves- that means allowing ourselves to do whatever it takes. Whatever works! There are times when we need to go unconscious. There are times when we need to stuff our feelings in the moment. There are times when it is not safe to be vulnerable and emotionally honest.

This recovery process is gradual transition from using our old toolbox to using the new tools. The old tools- the way we used to go unconscious so we could survive- are not “bad” or “wrong”. They were lifesavers.

We adopted the old tools because they were the best choices that were available to us at the time. We adopted them in response to intuitive impulses that were right on. Those impulses were to “protect myself, nurture myself”. It is nature of the defense system that is addiction/codependence that the ways we learned to protect and nurture ourselves are self-abusive in the long run.

So we need to stop shaming ourselves for the behaviors that we adopted to protect and nurture ourselves, at the same time we are transitioning to behaviors that are less self-abusive.

Notice that I say less self-abusive. We are talking progress, not perfection here.

If you have an image of that completely health behavior is, and you will not allow yourself to accept and love yourself until you get there, then you are setting conditions under which you decide when you will become lovable. You are still buying into a concept of conditional love and by extension, the concept of a Higher Power that is conditionally loving.

You are still trying to earn, and become worthy of not only self-love, but also God’s love. That small child inside of you is still trying to earn your parents’ love and validation.

That is natural, normal thing for human beings on this planet. Try not to judge and beat yourself up for it. Try to observe it and say, “Oh, isn’t it sad that I am still doing that? I think I will try to learn some ways that I can change it.””

-  Robert Burney

As I typed up the handout word for word I have had a totally different perspective than I did when I read it in group therapy.

Now I think, Wow! God loves me. What I did was normal for a 6 year old to do, considering what she had been through. Poor little girl didn’t know what else to do. She must have been so scared, so overwhelmed. I am thankful she had something to help her cope in the moment.

I am even more grateful she realized she is safe now. She can let go of those destructive coping mechanism and replace it with compassion, love and especially the Lord love and compassion.

Lord, thank you for helping me change and continue to change. It was hard! I am so thankful for you in my life. Continue to guide me. Continue to help me be patient, compassionate, and loving with myself, and my recovery.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Much love, compassion and prayers coming your way.

-Rachel