No Trial We Suffer Is Wasted

Yesterday at work  a co-worker exclaimed “This world is a horrible place!” She went on to read the news, out loud, which was in fact heart breaking. It made my tummy turn. Yet, I couldn’t help thinking that God is Good. 

Why does God allow bad things happen to good people? 

A question we have all heard over and over, at least I have. 

Well, Orson F. Whitney put it perfectly:

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our character, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father in Heaven."

Readers...who ever you are. I promise with my every fiber of my soul that everything we go through is for a reason. What YOU are going through this very second is for a reason. It’s okay to have hard days, it’s okay to doubt if the Lord is there, or feel like what you are through will never end. But never turn your back on a loving God. Cry, let it out...to Him. Don’t use it against the Lord. 

One of my favorite songs is: Better Than a Hallelujah

I probably have posted it on here before. Haha. But here is it: 

Listen especially to the chorus:

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are 

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah

Scream out your "melody" to God.  I know you can do it! We all can! Whatever you are going through. God is so much more than good. He is perfect, absolutely perfect. 

Much love, 

Rachel 

This Is Me

I am not a great writer. 

I actual suffer from dyslexia!

Thank you spell check.

So I have been working on writing “My Story”. I realized that I have so much to tell and am not sure exactly how to write it. It is something I have felt very self conscious about. 

You see, before I feared writing my story. Now it is more of a fear that I will write it and not have things flow in a way that the spirit can touch the souls of those who are reading it.

If you could pray for me. I would appreciate it so very much! It would be bring me a lot of comfort. 

Another thing, I want to be more me on here. I spend so much time reading other blogs that I tend to spend me time re-reading and re-writing the things I write on my own blog. I do not want that to be that case anymore. Just wanna me, mistakes and all.

So here is a little bit more about me.

My name is Rachel, I know it has been places throughout my blog. But I have never officially introduced myself. So there it is. 

I am 22 years old.

I love to take photos, especially of old abandon building, bridges, and especially this beautiful land we live in. 

I have recently started to read tons. I love it! There are so many inspiring stories out there. Thank you to all of those out there that had written their story. 

I love watching HGTV and dreaming of design my first home. 

I have been married for just over 1 year to a very supportive husband. 

I love the step 12 program! I mean I love, love, LOVE the LDS 12 step addiction recovery program. 

I love the Lord and every day I am learning more about Him. Which helps me know who I really am. 

I want to serve and touch hearts around me. I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me....where this blog or my story will really go. If I will tell my family and friends, or if staying more “anonymous” is the best way for me to help others for.  Whatever it is, I am grateful to find out. I know He will guide me and for one of the first times in my life I am so excited for the present day and all I get to do with it, through the lord.

So this is me. The real me. My addiction does not define me. My recovery does. 

Thank you all for reading. Hope I can get to know you all better.

Much Love,

Rachel

Hold Nothing Back

I recently had someone pass away that was very dear to me. It was heart wrenching. She was my second mother, my earth angel. 

As I attended her funeral I had more mixed emotions than I have in such a long time. Part of me had regret, did I see her enough? Did I do enough for her? Did I express my love for her enough? Did I serve her enough? Did I etc, etc

The other part of me was sad. Not just any kind of sad. The kind of sadness that hurts your soul. The kind that makes you feel compeltely and utterly lost. 

I am so grateful that I was able to experience such heart wrenching feelings and know that Jesus Christ has felt every thing I am feeling. That through these experiences I am able to fully depend on God. That every single time I have felt overwhelmed that I am to cry to the lord and tell Him that I miss her. Tell him I sad. 

I am so glad I was able to understand step 7 at a new level. Step 7 is humility. I had to humbly ask the Lord the Lord for help. I had to hold nothing back from my Heavenly parents and my heavenly brother. I had to completely be vulnerable or I know I would have slipped or even relapsed. 

I know without a doubt that where I am today is because of the Lord. I know that the more I draw unto Him the more He draws near to me. I am so thankful that I have a brother who has felt all these feelings. Every single thing. I know that every tear we shed He has shed. I know it without a doubt. I wish I could reach through this screen to every single person and hug you, and tell you that there is a God. Not just any God, but a loving mercy father. He loves you, please let him. I promise you won’t regret it.

Much love,

Rachel, a grateful daughter of God

See Beneath My Mask

Recently I came across a song called "Beneath your Beautiful" by Labrinth. I want to share some of the lyrics with you.

You've carried on so long,

You couldn't stop if you tried it.

You've built your wall so high

that no one could climb it,

But I'm gonna try.

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?

Would you let me see beneath your perfect?

Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl

I wanna see inside

Would you let me see beneath you beautiful tonight.

I have been listening to this song over and over again today. It has taken on a special meaning. So hear me out on this: 

I have a really hard time knowing how I really feel. A lot of times when people ask me how I am, or what I am feeling, I have NO idea. Lately it has been something that I have been praying about and really trying to get inspiration from the Lord. The past few days it has been sinking in more and more. Thank you Lord for touching my spirit. For helping me be honest about myself and my feelings.

This is what I have come to realize. I have a lot of fear still. My past and my addiction's are something that I haven't let a lot of people in on. I have so many feelings that I want to express, but I am held back with fear. 

It is not so much that I don't know how I feel. I do, sometime I have just have to focus. Ha. But seriously! I didn't even know the fear was there. But the Lord gave me eyes to see. It has been a beautiful experience. I want to share some details of it.

So for the past few weeks when I attend an LDS 12 step program group I have felt like I should share my story. The first time I felt it, it was almost my turn to share. So I justified saying that I couldn't share that fast and that I would ponder it and tell it next week. Then the next week at group I had something that I thought was perfect to share, even though I still thought I should share my story (Ahhh! Can you believe that?!!?) So just this last Wednesday I had a prompting AGAIN to share it. I was so nervous. I kept praying. I was literally shaking. 

And I DID IT! I shared my story in group. I honestly don't know if what I share made sense, but I shared. And guess what happen? I felt amazing. I felt so open, so real!!! I felt free and more happy then ever before in group. I felt the spirit so strong. I felt united with the group girls so much more. 

Since then I have really realized how much fear I hold on to still. I have typed up my story to pst here, on my blog, yet don't ever post it. Seriously!!! I have always felt like I wasn't ready, that I put to much info or not enough, that I would offended someone, etc etc ALL FEARS FROM THE ADVERSARY! I bet Satan is so anger that the Lord has helped me figure this out little by little! 

BUT IT MAKES ME SO CRAZY GIDDY!!!! 

Really everyone, I am so glad the Lord had so much patiences with me, and always does. He answered my prayers, and always does. 

I know that by realizing that I hold back so much I am now able to stop, listen to the spirit more, realize it is fear and turn it into faith. That I can tell other people what I have been through. That I can be a light to those around me. 

I was in the temple and a few days ago and came across this scripture.  I know that I have heard it or read it heaps of times, but I literally feel overwhelmed with the beauty of it right now.

It is found in 3 Nephi 12. And reads: 

14. Verily, Verily, I say unto you, I give unto you to be the light of this people. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.

15. Behold, do men light a candle and put it under a bushel? Nay, but on a candlestick, and it giveth light to all that are in the house;

16. Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven. 

It is my hope that I can be that light. That I can show people my God. That I can "giveth light to all that are in the house".  I see so many doors opening. I see so many wonderful opportunities for me. I am so blessed. I am so grateful that I am not a lone in these addictions. So grateful for this blog network, that we can unite and drag each other out of isolation, or any other thing that Satan tells us. 

Back to the Lyrics up top, I know that I built a wall against God and others. I am so happy to be tearing them down, with the Lord's help, even if it is just one brick at a time. 

I want those around me to see beyond my "mask" I want them to really see who I am. I do not want to walk with shame and/or fear, but with the light of Christ. I want everyone to see "inside" of me, not just tonight, but always. 

I hope that we can all turn to God and let him break the chains that are weighing us done. That we can turn to Him to find His light. That we can turn to Him always, moment by moment and never forget all that He has done for us. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

MUCH MUCH LOVE!!

-Rachel