Hold Nothing Back

I recently had someone pass away that was very dear to me. It was heart wrenching. She was my second mother, my earth angel. 

As I attended her funeral I had more mixed emotions than I have in such a long time. Part of me had regret, did I see her enough? Did I do enough for her? Did I express my love for her enough? Did I serve her enough? Did I etc, etc

The other part of me was sad. Not just any kind of sad. The kind of sadness that hurts your soul. The kind that makes you feel compeltely and utterly lost. 

I am so grateful that I was able to experience such heart wrenching feelings and know that Jesus Christ has felt every thing I am feeling. That through these experiences I am able to fully depend on God. That every single time I have felt overwhelmed that I am to cry to the lord and tell Him that I miss her. Tell him I sad. 

I am so glad I was able to understand step 7 at a new level. Step 7 is humility. I had to humbly ask the Lord the Lord for help. I had to hold nothing back from my Heavenly parents and my heavenly brother. I had to completely be vulnerable or I know I would have slipped or even relapsed. 

I know without a doubt that where I am today is because of the Lord. I know that the more I draw unto Him the more He draws near to me. I am so thankful that I have a brother who has felt all these feelings. Every single thing. I know that every tear we shed He has shed. I know it without a doubt. I wish I could reach through this screen to every single person and hug you, and tell you that there is a God. Not just any God, but a loving mercy father. He loves you, please let him. I promise you won’t regret it.

Much love,

Rachel, a grateful daughter of God