Shame Of Addicts

I have had this addiction for about 14 years.  I was taught as a young children, really before I can remember. It is an addiction that has so much shame. If I even heard someone say the word ‘Masturbate’ two years ago I would cringe and feel like I literally would vomit. 

My addiction has always been very secretive. By starting this blog I was hoping to shed more shame and to help others. The definition of Shame to me is: painful, soul wrenching emotion that is caused by embarrassment, feeling unworthy or disgrace .

Guilt however is different then shame. I think of it like this:

Guilt: I have done something bad.

Actions and behavior.

VS.

Shame: I am something bad. 

Identity and self. 

There have been four different things that have helped me lift the shame of my addiction. 

1. When I started attending the twelve Step Addiction Recovery groups some shame was lifted. I finally knew that I was not alone. Satan had used this as a huge tool in my addiction. He would help me isolate myself more by making me believe that I was terrible, that my actions were unforgivable, and that if people knew who I really was they would be disgusted. By attending group I realized I was not alone!! How beautiful that was/is. If you are reading this and have had or are having these negative feelings about yourself I promise you they do not come from a loving Father in Heaven. It is the adversary and you do not have to be bond by him any longer. There are others who struggle. There is help. There is hope. 
2. In order to overcome the shame of your addiction you need to know that your addiction doesn’t define you. When my therapist asked me to say out loud “I have an addiction to masturbating”, I couldn’t do it. I felt like by admitting I was an addict I was then bond by it. However so much freedom comes from admitting you are an addict if you realize you are NOT your addiction. You are not a loser or a horrible person. This is a weakness, let it bring you to your loving father in heaven.
3. Reach out for help! Read that first sentence again!...AND again. Reach out for help!!! There are many wonderful people out there that are willing to help you. They know the painful shame of your addiction, but they also know the joy and freedom that can come from recovery. You need to be ready for help. YOU need to be the one to reach out and they will always be there.  Just like the Lord. You have to ask, but He is always there. My sponsor has helped me so many times! She is the one currently helping me realize how my addictions do not define me. 
4. Accept your loving Heavenly Father and his son , Jesus Christ and his atonement. If you are working the 12 step program you know that Step three is giving up your will. I promise that as you work your steps, ALL of them, the Lord will help you. The atonement will cover your weakness. 
5. I am adding a number five because it is so important. It is something that I have been working on with my own sponsor lately. Forgiving yourself! This is so hard for me (huge tool of the adversary!). You need to forgive yourself for every wrong step you took that led to your addiction. In step eight in the second to last paragraph it says,

”Finally, after you have listed everyone you have harmed, add one more name to the list- your own. When you have indulged in your addictions, you harmed yourself as well as others”. 

How beautiful! I promise that the Lord can help you forgive yourself. He is helping me right now. It is difficult, but as I turn my life over to the Lord it gets easier. 

I know that we can get rid of the shame of our addiction. The lord does not want us to carry that shame. In step 7 it says,” even as you feel the pains of your own rebirth, remember that His suffering, not yours ensures redemption in sin.” He has already suffered. You do not need to carry those burdens, lay them at his feet. 

It is my hope that I can do this. I have been working on it and need help with it. I am grateful to see the Lord hand’s in my life. He has removed the shame. I know it is a battle everyday, but He is still there for me. Ask, He is there for you too.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thank you for reading. 
- A recovering addict who is accepted by God, others and herself .