Burdens Were Made Light

I remember when I was 8 years old and about to get baptized as a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. I remember having a thought of; once I get baptized I will no longer struggling with any sort of sexual addiction. I was ecstatic. I knew my body was going to be made clean (and in my eight year old little head that meant being “washed” of this problem).

As I got baptized I did feel good. I remember wearing white and feeling so beautiful. I remember my family was so happy. It was a beautiful day.

I am not sure if I made it days or even a week before I was acting out again. I remember being so confused and so angry with God. I thought He had abandoned me, or that I was somehow cursed.

I remember the shame and guilt I felt. It was such a heavy burden. I remember begging God to take it all away. I was so desperate. When I felt like the Lord didn’t do anything I was so angry with Him. I didn’t want to talk to Him again.

This is when self-destructive habits really started to play a role in my life.

As I look back I realize that how I imagined God, or what I imagined Him to do for me was incorrect. I think we all do this in our own lives, not just when we are eight.

In Mosiah 24 it says:

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

I remember the first time I read this scripture in the Addiction Recovery Manual and I heard God say,” Rachel, I was there with you all along. What you went through was meant to happen”.

Instead of being angry, mad or confused I was able to thank God for taking care of me.

Trials will come to all of us, things that most the time we do no understand.

1.   Pray to God to have burdens lightened.

2.   Know that bad things happen to good people.

3.   To believe and trust God you need to get to know Him; pray- ask, read and study His words. He will show you who He really is. A loving, merciful God.

I know that God loves me. That every trial I went through was meant to happen. I am grateful that He has complete control over my life. I am especially grateful that is merciful enough to lighten my burdens that I “that even (I) cannot feel them upon (my) back, even while…in bondage”

Much Love,

Rachel