My husband and I are on vacation in california.
Sorry about the delay, I usually post on Saturdays.
On our flight over I was reading through my old notes and found this:
"In the conclusion of "Experiencing Christ" it says," The dark and deart waste may be experienced in the forms of unconqured weakness, the nagging pain of sin, or in a loss of hope. Whatever the case, we experience there human conditions so that we may know our need for our savior 's mercy. If we experiencing hitting rock bottom, being abused, being trapped in addiction, or drowning in feelings of inadequacy or shame, their purpose is to assist us in relying wholly upon the mercy of Christ.
As I read this I began to feel overwhelmed with the spirit. I know at many times I get overwhelmed, I feel like I cannot handle it. But I heard The Lord say to me "I love you that much. I love you enough to let these things happen to you because I didn't want to lose you. You have this addiction because I knew you couldn't handle it. I knew that you would struggle, that there would be sleepless night, that there would be tears. But I also knew that you would turn to me. I knew that they would make you hit rock bottom. But this is the only way to show you who I am. To show you that I am here for you. To have you trust in me. To make you into the beautiful daughter that I know you can be. I am here. I love you. This struggles are because I can't lose you. I love you. I promise I will always be here. "
I wrote that in March 2013. I am so grateful that I was guided to read over it again today.
I can testify that The Lord loves us and is so aware of our lives.
Much love,
Rachel
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Trials: Assist Us in Relying on God
My husband and I are on vacation in california.
Sorry about the delay, I usually post on Saturdays.
On our flight over I was reading through my old notes and found this: .
"In the conclusion of "Experiencing Christ" it says," The dark and deart waste may be experienced in the forms of unconqured weakness, the nagging pain of sin, or in a loss of hope. Whatever the case, we experience there human conditions so that we may know our need for our savior 's mercy. If we experiencing hitting rock bottom, being abused, being trapped in addiction, or drowning in feelings of inadequacy or shame, their purpose is to assist us in relying wholly upon the mercy of Christ.
As I read this I began to feel overwhelmed with the spirit. I know at many times I get overwhelmed, I feel like I cannot handle it. But I heard The Lord say to me "I love you that much. I love you enough to let these things happen to you because I didn't want to lose you. You have this addiction because I knew you couldn't handle it. I knew that you would struggle, that there would be sleepless night, that there would be tears. But I also knew that you would turn to me. I knew that they would make you hit rock bottom. But this is the only way to show you who I am. To show you that I am here for you. To have you trust in me. To make you into the beautiful daughter that I know you can be. I am here. I love you. This struggles are because I can't lose you. I love you. I promise I will always be here. "
I wrote that in March 2013. I am so grateful that I was guided to read over it again today.
I can testify that The Lord loves us and is so aware of our lives.
Much love,
Rachel
Sorry about the delay, I usually post on Saturdays.
On our flight over I was reading through my old notes and found this: .
"In the conclusion of "Experiencing Christ" it says," The dark and deart waste may be experienced in the forms of unconqured weakness, the nagging pain of sin, or in a loss of hope. Whatever the case, we experience there human conditions so that we may know our need for our savior 's mercy. If we experiencing hitting rock bottom, being abused, being trapped in addiction, or drowning in feelings of inadequacy or shame, their purpose is to assist us in relying wholly upon the mercy of Christ.
As I read this I began to feel overwhelmed with the spirit. I know at many times I get overwhelmed, I feel like I cannot handle it. But I heard The Lord say to me "I love you that much. I love you enough to let these things happen to you because I didn't want to lose you. You have this addiction because I knew you couldn't handle it. I knew that you would struggle, that there would be sleepless night, that there would be tears. But I also knew that you would turn to me. I knew that they would make you hit rock bottom. But this is the only way to show you who I am. To show you that I am here for you. To have you trust in me. To make you into the beautiful daughter that I know you can be. I am here. I love you. This struggles are because I can't lose you. I love you. I promise I will always be here. "
I wrote that in March 2013. I am so grateful that I was guided to read over it again today.
I can testify that The Lord loves us and is so aware of our lives.
Much love,
Rachel
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Does your Addiction Define you?
Addiction.
I
remember the day when my therapist said, “Rachel you must say that you are an
addict. Say out loud today: I am addicted to masturbating, pornography,
unhealthy eating and other destructive patterns.”
I
was hurt, angry, sad, overwhelmed and WOW, so helpless and hopeless. As I sat
there week after week she would ask me to say it again, I couldn’t. I felt
shattered.
One
day I sat there I finally said, “I am addicted to masturbating, pornography,
unhealthy eating and other destructive patterns”. Through my sobs I felt like I
had finally admitted what a failure I was. I was overcome with depression
because I felt totally and completely hopeless.
I
know as some of you are facing your issue you maybe overwhelmed at the thought
of having an “addiction”, just as I was.
In
the LDS 12 step program the very first step is Honesty:
“Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to
overcome your addiction and that your life has become unmanageable”
As
I began to take this step I thought it was going to be a step of pain, a step
of “showing how bad and awful I was”.
When
really, saying you have an addiction is saying: I struggle, I am not perfect,
and I am human.
Having an addiction does not define you! The only way I came to learn this,
truly know this in my heart, was through Christ. It took time and many moments
I need reminders that He does love me. Just the way I am.
By
going to the LDS addiction recovery groups, abstaining from acting out,
reopening a conversation with God, and repenting I have learned how much our
father in heaven loves us.
I echo what
Elder Holland said, “However late you think you are, however many chances you
think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents
you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel
you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of
divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light
of Christ’s Atonement shines.”
I love all
of you and hope you know that there is hope. By admitting you are an addict you
can finally seek the right help. I promise, the Lord is there with you… even
right now in this moment. No matter what you have done.
In the name
of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Much love,
Rachel, A recovering
addict from masturbating, pornography, unhealthy eating, and other destructive
habits.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Whether You Think You Can or Can’t, You Are Right!
My
husband and I were recently discussing a character weakness of mine that I am
trying to overcome. After we had talked for a good 20 minutes. He said,
“Rachel, Stop telling yourself it in that way or you can’t change." He then shared this quote: Whether you
think you can or can’t, you are right. - Henry Ford
I
hate that quote because it is true. All great leaders understand this too. They know if they
carry themselves confidently, they will eventually start to feel confident,
even in highly stressful situations.
It
brought me back to positive affirmations. I know you may have done these before. I have
done many in my therapy sessions. I hate them in the moment and love the result
of it. So stubborn!
We all have tapes in our head that
are on repeat. They’re lies! We need to stop them and stop them on a daily
basis. So start by:
1 1. Following
this quote:
2. Positive affirmations: I had
a hard time writing my own positive, encouraging words so my therapist wrote
some for me. If you have a therapist, mentor or a friend ask them to help you write
some. Otherwise, you can buy cards with positive affirmations online and
millions of sites have list of them, like this one.
3. Write something good about
yourself everyday. EVERY SINGLE DAY. At least for a week. Get post it notes.
Write a positive thing about yourself even especially if you don’t believe it.
Stick it on your mirror in your bathroom. Everyday read every single post it
note out loud in front of the mirror. Saying it out loud it key
for me!
It
is so easy to get caught up. I know I have been. So I am doing this right along
with you. Lets fight those voice's. Fight that moving target of perfectionism
and love ourselves here and now, today, exactly how we are.
Good
luck this week. I will let you know how it goes next week. Hope you are able to
join in with me.
Much
love,
Rachel
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