What Is Your Truth?

The Truth: I was beautiful. I still had my whole life ahead of me. I did have a loving Heavenly Father who was aware of my situation. I had so much potential and so much love around me. I wasn’t ruined because of what happen to me when I was little. I wasn’t dirty. I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t alone.

My Truth (what I believed): I was dirty. I was full of shame. I was ruined. I was ugly. I was fat. I always came short. I was unworthy of any love. I would never be what other’s wanted me to be. God didn’t love me, how could He when I was filthy. 

It took me a long time to find the truth, or at least to start believing some of it. I still struggle daily. I have to remind myself: One day at a time. The Lord has all power. I will relax and trust Him. 

I have to patient with myself. Reminding myself that “my truth” runs deep into my soul. I went through traumatic experience that my little 6 year old self couldn’t handle. She did the best she could. She did what she had to do to cope, to breathe, to keep going. 

My heart was shattered, just like any person would have been in my situation.

I now get the opportunity to go open the vaulted dungeon doors in my heart. I have to, so I can move forward. 

We all must do have a heart renovation. Which means going back, barging into every tiny particular of our hearts. We must face our truths about ourselves and see the lies we have still hold on to. 

It’s going to be hard and emotion. It going to take time. Lots of time! But only then can we love ourselves. Only then can we love the skin we are in.

The first time I was asked what I believe about myself I sobbed. I hated who I was. My therapist had me write down everything I believed about myself. EVERYTHING! Positive and Negative. 

There was a lot more negative than positive. It was hard to write it down on paper. I was overwhelmed and depressed because I wanted desperately to love myself. I just always looked in the wrong places.

I am still learning. I am still trying to change the negative into positive. It usually starts out my faking it, but then the Lord helps me make it. 

Look at your heart. Write down your truths, even if you “know” you shouldn’t be feeling this way. See where it takes you. Step by step.

And don’t forget that it’s going to be okay. That your heart will heal, day by day. 

Much love, 

Rachel